So I noticed a couple of things lately.
Thing the first: Last week, for a few days, I was happy. “Happy” as in “not sad”. I can’t begin to tell you how strange it felt. I just sat there pondering it the entire time. But even the pondering didn’t change my mood! I felt good, dammit. And then…. I didn’t. It was gone. I realized that the only difference between then and now was that now my knees are all hurty. Actually, I pretty much always feel shitty in some way. Could it really be that simple for some people? Vague physical unpleasantness = “I wonder if cyanide tastes bad”? And those teensy stretches of time when no ailment is present feel downright blissful? Someone should study that.
Thing the second: I usually wear baggy clothes and spend most of my life in tiny rooms, maneuvering around a bed-like thingy that takes up pretty much all the floor space. Because massage therapists are not allowed to be cute lest they be propositioned. And because business owners in this town can’t afford to give a bitch some acceptable square footage. Given that I have to look bad ON PURPOSE (!!!!) and I am rarely in spaces that can comfortably accommodate both me and my client, it makes sense that I walk around feeling like a big fat fugly cow. I didn’t connect the dots until very recently. Like, a couple days ago. I have a new-ish job where there really isn’t a dress code and the rooms are actually big enough to walk around the table without having to turn sideways ever so gently so as not to jostle your clients. Actually, I could waltz around the table and no one would get hurt. Uhh…. not that I’ve tried it or anything. But anyway, I saw myself in the mirror there and I looked normal. As in, not obese. Which is sort of maybe just a tad interesting. Maybe some people with eating disorders and such just need more space? I don’t have any kinda disorder but I totally understand where those poor girls are coming from. I’m probs just too lazy to be disordered. It looks like hard work, which I am completely averse to.
Don’t forget to eat, my precious lambs!
