This is a total TMI post. But I had to share my new-old discovery. This is something I heard about a long ass time ago, but I was scared to try it. I thought it was a smelly hippie device at best. And just looking at it made me fear for the structural integrity of my delicate ladyflower. But much like Bridezillas and ginger ale before it, it has made my world a better place. It is…. The Diva Cup! In case you haven’t heard, this is a cup you put in your vadge to catch your precious life force as your uterus forcefully expels it from your body, purely for it’s own amusement. It is a clean, easy, earth-friendly way to pwn your womb. It sounds too good to be true and looks entirely too big and scary for something that never had a foreskin and probs wouldn’t do it’s job if lubed. But someone told me it works, and she knows what’s up so I got one. I will admit it’s a little difficult to get it in and out. You fold it up and such, but I use the small speculum, thank you. Don’t hate. Just do your kegels. I manage to get it situated though, and it creates a seal and catches everything very nicely. I have had no leakage, minimal discomfort and no yeasties! I can sleep in any position I want and work out every morning. And – little secret here – I no longer have to turn up the music at work and do the wedgie dance because my pad is rustling and relocating. There’s none of the horrible burning dryness and irritation of tampons. In fact, if it wasn’t for the debilitating pain, I wouldn’t know I was bleeding out like a wounded gazelle at all!
In other period news, the people who make the bacon chocolate bar make something called the Creole bar that will make the bitchiest uterus know it’s role and shut it’s mouth. It is rich, comforting, and doesn’t speak. And I could not ask for more.
