Why she always gotta call the law? November 30, 2008

The best song in the world is being removed from the net. That’s right, “From Her Mama (Mama Got Ass)” has been deleted from YouTube. Google found it elsewhere but I am suspicious. We will forever be deprived of Paul Wall’s braids. Probably because of financial issues. We should all smoke a bowl in it’s honor. If you are too grief-stricken, I will smoke yours for you. No need to thank me. That’s what friends are for.

A trip to Walgreens always cheers me up, and today I got batteries, eyeliner and candy canes. The manager totes gave me shade. Whatever. At least I don’t work at Walgreens. So I was buying eyeliner cuz this hot Greek bitch was telling me how she loves the Prestige liquid eyeliner. I would expect her to wear something much fancier, so I had to check it out. Did you know they make it glittery?! Glittery, bitches! I had to test it though, so I put it up against Wet ‘n Wild. I had mentioned them here recently and I thought I should give it a chance. And it was $2. And I heard the L’Oreal one sucks. And I don’t touch Maybelline. Cuz fuck you, Great Lash. So I put one on each lid and went about my business. And guess what? Wet ‘n Wild totes won! They make it glittery AND waterproof. I cry at sweet commercials, so waterproof is a must. The Prestige liner gave me sad Courtney Love raccoon eye while I watched Faith Hill’s Christmas concert. The color wasn’t that rich to begin with, either. It was thick, flat and very obviously painted on. It was just too stark a contrast on skin, which naturally looks rather soft and is just a bit translucent. WNW had some depth to it so it didn’t look too terribly unnatural. It lasted thru the concert and a disco nap and the applicator didn’t hurt. The Prestige applicator is just kind of a stick. Who cares about your safety? Rub this stick on your eyeball. WNW has this soft little brush that I found to be easier to manage, and it didn’t put any pressure on my $3000 corneal flaps. So there you go, you broke ass heffas. Your recession beauty tip of the…..well, of the recession cuz I have things to do dammit.

Suck it, Twilight. November 15, 2008

Yeah, I read that shit. WTF, dude? In the future I would appreciate it if children’s books were kept in the children’s section and/or burned. I wanted Lestat to jump out of the ferns and eat these bitches.

Still not as gay as Twilight.

Or better yet, let Claudia show them how it’s done. But it did, um, raise an interesting question. How do vampires get it up? See, the main dude in this romantical vampirey tale of sweetest high school loving love and infinite superferns has no heartbeat. That’s right ladies, no circulation. Lattelicious tells me that in the Anita Blake series, you’re not really a vampire til your manly bits knock the vase off the coffee table and have at it while the rest of you is still in the bathroom flossing pubes out of your fangs. And on that there sexy sex show with Rogue they seem to get by just fine thank you very much. They actually have blood to drain, so it makes enough sense to allow the necessary suspension of disbelief & I can enjoy the story. But not Twilight. Wikipedia says the childrens get married and make a baby, but I just don’t see how that’s plausible. Does he have to feed first? Is it a magical peen? Does God put the baby in her because they were good kids and waited til they were married? I really want to know. But am I curious enough to muddle through Stephanie Meyer’s writing again? God, no.

And yes, the new header is the Deppness.