So I used to work with this girl. We’ll call her Traitor to her Sex Barbie. She was dating a professional soccer player. Have you seen those guys? Hotness. They pay me to slather them in precious oils. Yeah, you’re jealous. Don’t even lie. Anyway, I dunno if Barbie was scared to lose whatshisface or if she just felt insecure next to those hot bitches, but she got all tarted up in all the wrong ways every single day of her life. She looked like a HCwDB reject. Or that godawful be-tittied British tranny. The fat bald old janitor was all over her shit. She’d spend all morning primping in a security mirror, and you know I watched that train wreck religiously. She always frosted her cake face by slapping on two poorly blended splotches of glittery shit over the windows to the place where a normal person’s soul would be. Then the janitor would come creepin’ in all his sleeveless glory to wax poetic about her tits, and the cum he wishes to place thereon. Kidding! Kind of. Not really. He’s disgusting.
Point being, I wanted that glitter.
But her friend made it! Just for her! In NYC! And it couldn’t be shipped!
Well, her boyfriend has a dick only Michael Jackson could love. And I found my own magical glittery friend at Dreamworld Minerals. Yeah, her exclusive glittery shit was just mineral powder. Bitch. This site is old school, but judge not y’all. The product is fierce. They don’t have brow & lip pencils so you can roll chola fabulous, but you know you use Wet ‘N Wild and set it with Aqua Net so that shit stays proper. They’re not pimpin’ mascara either, as if I could be parted from L’Oreal anyway. I’ve tested pretty much all the Dreamworld products at work, and I haven’t gotten so much as one eyelid crease. No hairspray required. And like four people said I’m gorgeous! Okay, they were girl-people, but one day a big buff man will say somethin’ nice and I will sex him accordingly. Cuz I’m a lady.
I was all “OMGLOL!” until I got to the Dreamworld Minerals part. Then I got all serious. For realz? No eyelid crease? I thought that was a myth!
And thank you ever so much for re-introducing me to HCwDB. How could I have forgotten.
For serious girl. As long as you use a primer, that shit doesn’t budge. And I use primer and foundation and finishing powder anyway so I’m not all shiny.